I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
