I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
