I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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