I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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