my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
