OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
