You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
