I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
