I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
