i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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