There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
