Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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