the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
