i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
