Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
