i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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