I got chris browned last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
