my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
