Quick, to the slutcave!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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