Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Couch. On fire.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
