He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
