I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
