Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
