If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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