Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize