Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
