god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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