Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My hand turned me down
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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