He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
