I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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