i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize