i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
