Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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