Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
