I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
