My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
