when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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