guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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