also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
