i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what day is it and did you see me today?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
