Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
