He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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