A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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