wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
