he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
