Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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