Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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