and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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