There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
