Everything about him screamed your future.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
