we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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