piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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