I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
