I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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