I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
