The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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