you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
