saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
