You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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