He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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