I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
