This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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