I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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