The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
