I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
