i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
