Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
