There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
