i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.