I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.