The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.