i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
