Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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