I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
