we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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