You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
