I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
