i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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