The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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