His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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