tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
