Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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