Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
