I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I deserve this hangover.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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