Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
