I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
