Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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