i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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