I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
